The Many Works of Pat Hatt
December 8, 2014
Did you ever think about how many ways there are to gift? Now a days you can even send gifts to people you don’t like by mail. Why would you be sending gifts to people you don’t like? Because you want one back of course, you greedy gift hoarder. What? Pfffft don’t try to hide behind that so called gift etiquette clause. Who made up such a clause anyway? You get me something so I get you something? What if you get me dirt? Can I re-gift it after the cat has used it?
So I went a little off track, I do that you know. And if you don’t know, now you do. That is my gift to you. Don’t you just love the power of knowledge? Now back to gifts. Gifts can be hard to buy, they can be hard to find, they can be hard to find and buy, in which case you may get dirt, so ask for something easy. Unless you are in need of dirt. Yes, I know someone who asked for dirt before. I guess their yard didn’t have enough dirt. Anyway, dirt is aside, there are many ways to send them.
Buy gifts, receive and mail – may or may not get there without fail
Buy gifts and mail – mail directly from the site or place. That way you can save your tongue from licking any stamps. Let their tongues get all saliva deprived.
Buy gifts and sit them in a room – they will come pick them up sooner or later, right?
Buy a donation in their name – that is a great gift. You give them nothing but they can feel all warm and tingly on the inside.
Don’t buy gifts, instead look around the house and see what you don’t need anymore – spring cleaning comes early.
Re-gift what you got last year – hey, that dirt is still good. I bet a fruitcake could survive a year as well.
Get someone else to buy gifts for you and send them – hey, you never said you weren’t lazy.
Just let Santa Claus bring all the gifts – why buy when you can rely on the jolly fat guy?
See, there are many ways to get the gifts, send gifts, buy gifts and just go all gift happy. Aren’t you glad I gave you this gift today? Well you know you can gift a book or two here as a thanks. What? Don’t you believe in the gift of self promotion? That isn’t a gift? Sure it is. Any ways to send, buy, or get gifts that I missed?
Enjoy life, forget the strife.